iPad + Velcro

iPad + Velcro from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

Punishment

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it". "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested."Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire ... and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted, Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

4. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with... transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.

5. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California . This, of course, is the origin of the expression ... "He who has a Tate's is lost!"


























6. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said,"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

7. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

8. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that ... the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

9. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal Brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the Brujo looked him in the eye and said,"Let me tell you,with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

Latin lover

Amo, Amas

by John O'Keefe

Amo, Amas, I love a lass
As a cedar tall and slender;
Sweet cowslip's grace is her nominative case,
And she's of the feminine gender.

Rorum, Corum, sunt divorum,
Harum, Scarum divo;
Tag-rag, merry-derry, periwig and hat-band
Hic hoc horum genitivo.

Can I decline a Nymph divine?
Her voice as a flute is dulcis.
Her oculus bright, her manus white,
And soft, when I tacto, her pulse is.























Rorum, Corum, sunt divorum,
Harum, Scarum divo;
Tag-rag, merry-derry, periwig and hat-band
Hic hoc horum genitivo.

Oh, how bella my puella,
I'll kiss secula seculorum.
If I've luck, sir, she's my uxor,
O dies benedictorum.

Rorum, Corum, sunt divorum,
Harum, Scarum divo;
Tag-rag, merry-derry, periwig and hat-band
Hic hoc horum genitivo.

"Amo, Amas" by John O'Keefe. Public domain.

Goats

clipped from writersalmanac.publicradio.org

Filmmaker Jon Ronson [was] born in Cardiff, Wales (1967). He's also a journalist and the author of four books. Two were international best-sellers: Them: Adventures with Extremists (2001) and The Men Who Stare at Goats (2004).

The Men Who Stare at Goats is about a secret, idealistic New Age movement within the U.S. military, which began in the late 1970s. It's a non-fiction book. After the quagmire of Vietnam, Robson reports, high-ranking U.S. Army officials decided they needed to reassess the strategies used by American soldiers during warfare after Vietnam. They hired a consultant, a high-ranking retired military officer, who was familiar with the New Age/Human Potential Movement in California.

The consultant, Jim Channon, returned with a 125-page First Earth Battalion Operations Manual in 1979. It contained suggestions for training "warrior monks." It proposed that soldiers should be mostly vegetarian, practice meditation and yoga and primal screams, and use ginseng. They should carry into battle acupuncture kits, peace offerings like baby lambs, and audio speakers that would be used to play "indigenous music and words of peace" ahead of them. The book's title stems from Ronson's investigation of a former head of intelligence, Major General Stubblebine, who believed that with preparation and mindful channeling, people could kill goats by staring at them.

In the book, Ronson argues that this post-Vietnam secret New Age movement in the military evolved to influence the "psychological warfare" interrogation techniques used in the War on Terror. His book was made into a movie last year, starring George Clooney and Ewan McGregor.

Change

clipped from writersalmanac.publicradio.org

Change

by Louis Jenkins

All those things that have gone from your life,

moon boots, TV trays and the Soviet Union, that

seem to have vanished, are really only changed.

Dinosaurs did not disappear from the earth but

evolved into birds and crock pots became bread

makers and then the bread makers all went to

rummage sales along with the exercise bikes.

Everything changes. It seems at times (only for

a moment) that your wife, the woman you love,

might actually be your first wife in another form.

It's a thought not to be pursued….Nothing is the

same as it used to be. Except you, of course,

you haven't changed…well, slowed down a bit,

perhaps. It's more difficult nowadays to deal with

the speed of change, disturbing to suddenly find

yourself brushing your teeth with what appears

to be a flashlight. But essentially you are the

same as ever, constant in your instability.

"Change" by Louis Jenkins, from Before You Know It: Prose Poems 1970-2005. © Will o' Wisp Books, 2009

Mother's Day for Peace

Two Parks in the Pearl District

Two Parks in the Pearl District

The two current parks in the Pearl District have different uses and a different feel to them.

These photos were taken the day (5/11/06)of the dedication of the new bear sculpture in Tanner Springs by Portland artist Mauricio Saldana.

Jamison Square Park is used more by active children and adults.

Tanner Springs Park is more for strolling and sitting.